Dr, Doctor

Phew, I’m knackered, I’ve been back and forward to Cairo and the Uk, our shipment arrived too, so with this and that and lots of exploring I’ve been “up to my eyes” as they say.

I’m starting to settle in, the kiosk guys on my street know me now giving me the opportunity to practice my very basic Hindi although the dog gets more greetings than I do. “Good morning Harry” then fits of giggles, I’m not sure if Harry is an inappropriate name for a dog here, or maybe just the fact he has a name is cause for the giggles. Either way it’s great to feel comfortable walking him again without fear of poison to be avoided. If he would just stop pooping at inappropriate times, like right in front of the mattress makers eating their dinner I’d be sorted.

This week was to be my official Week 1, all the distractions out of the way so time to settle down into a routine, yoga classes, Hindi classes and a bit of networking but sure things never go to plan. I’ve been plagued with a sore leg for months, nothing major just gradually getting worse and no amount of walking or yoga was making a difference, the four flights didn’t help either. I was putting it down to old age until I looked in the mirror after my shower (something to be avoided at all costs) and noticed I was an altogether very strange shape, distinctly lob sided and I couldn’t stand up straight without being in significant pain.

One of the downsides to being in a new place and not knowing anyone is you have no one to ask for recommendations for doctors, physiotherapists etc so google was my only option. I’m lazy so after a few minutes of searching I went for the one closest to the house. Joint Efforts Clinic I believe it was called, made an appointment and off I went. Now, we don’t really live in Delhi, we are on the east bank of the Yamuna river which is the dividing line between Delhi and Noida.

So we are in the state of Uttar Pradesh, which is officially known as the gun state and considered very rough. In fact waiters in restaurants have advised us it’s very dangerous and even they wouldn’t live there, even though thats where they come from. I know we are a great disappointment to our driver, (white uniform, epaulettes and all) as he is constantly trying to get us to move to Delhi proper. Maybe we will at some stage but the 5 minute commute to work is what sold it to us, and anyway after Cairo it’s awesome, everything is relative.

The clinic turned out to be in “the village” again much to the drivers dismay and he was rather reluctant to let me to go unescorted into the single story, steel doored, mud road fronted “clinic” undeterred in I went. It was a one room outfit, three treatment tables, a desk, a water dispenser cloaked in a floral table cloth (I’m guessing this was to hide the colour of the water as it looked distinctly green) and all in all about 12ft squared.

There were a couple of people in front of me and I was able to watch as he worked with a gorgeous little boy about 4 who was in callipers, just as the teenage boy who was next was able to watch him work with me once my turn came. Anyway, he said I needed scans etc and there was nothing he could do until then and he was rather insistent I’d been in a car accident. I hadn’t been but he felt vindicated once I said I’d been knocked down a couple of months previous to the onset of the pain.

He spent about 40 minutes with me and the charge was £2.50, not a great hourly rate. He asked if I could afford the top consultant in Delhi who charged £25.00 an hour and once I said yes he rang and made me an appointment for the next day. I’m really glad he did as there was no way I should be taking up his time on much more deserving cases for people who probably had to beg steal or borrow to find the £2.50

So the next day off I set to see the top “consultant” in Delhi, well, it was in New Delhi much to the drivers relief, although I’m still not exactly sure which discipline this guy was the top “consultant” in. We had a chat whilst he took copious notes in the most perfect handwriting I’ve ever seen, each individual letter was printed in capitals but in a tiny font size and it looked like a printer had spewed it out, fascinating.

He examined me and then it got weird. He stated that he didn’t need scans to see my back was a mess and went on to explain that an orchestra is at its best when all the instruments are playing in harmony…..and that whilst there is always room for an individual instruments solo piece, the solo only works against a back drop of harmony, or words to that effect. He was going to be the conductor and use all the instruments at his disposal to create harmony….ok says I and I was especially relieved when he said the first priority was to remove the pain and realign as much as he could.

So he started with Reiki, that’s healing hands to you uninitiated lot, they don’t actually touch you but he allowed his hands to hover above me until lots and lots of heat was generated, I don’t know how it works, I think you need a gift but it felt good. Next he did some acupuncture, then he applied some anaesthetic gel, (I’m guessing this was a modern instrument) then he gave me a massage and after that he used a massage machine, another modern one.

I’m already feeling better, if a little confused, but hey each to their own and this guy seemed open to all “instruments” I’d been in an hour so I thought it must be time to go but he hadn’t finished yet. Next came the chiropractic techniques were he clicked and adjusted my back and if that wasn’t enough he gave me some physio exercises to do at home. I had told him I’d been using yoga to help relieve some of the pain earlier so he added this into the mix too giving me some asanas (postures) on which I should concentrate. So after that little lot you can see why I’m not sure what type of consultant he was.

Anyway, i paid him his £25 quid, even though I’d been in for about an hour and a half, and set of back to the car, I can’t say I was walking on air it was more like someone had attached a football to the sole of my right foot. I was completely disorientated and felt like my leg was too long, I must have looked very strange as the driver was very concerned at my gait, I’m sure he thought I was drunk. I have to go back for two more sessions after which depending on the results he will decide if he will bother with a scan or not, I have one this afternoon, I can’t wait.

All in all I’m feeling rather lucky there are some not so lucky. The huge disparity between the type of treatments available to people, mostly dependant on where they live and the funds available to them is very disheartening, whether it be India, Egypt or even the UK. My journey back to the UK was to visit my son, he is the full time carer now for his girlfriend Charlotte who is suffering from leukaemia and, as a result of three unsuccessful rounds of chemotherapy, is paralysed and wheelchair bound.

It’s incredibly difficult to watch your 23 year old child tend to the very personal care of his 23 year old girlfriend who has been told all NHS Options have been exhausted, all they can do is concentrate on pain relief and quality of life for the time remaining. It’s also incredibly difficult to watch her parents and twin sister put on their positive fronts to the world when you know deep down that tears are just simmering below the surface.

If she lived in France or the USA she could get treatment that has an 80% success rate, maybe more considering her age. So her mum has started a Facebook page linked to a website to try and raise the funds to send her abroad, if it was your daughter or son, you would do the same. Please visit the page and link HERE and please do it today as time is not on Charlottes side.

On graduation day, big smiles, thinking they had the world at their feet…

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Thankyou, and here is the website address in full http://gogetfunding.com/project/i-m-saving-charlotte in case my technical skills have let me down again

Bye, Masalama, Namaste, Slainte

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Get Me Outta Here

Get me Outta here!

My mate Chris and I headed off to the Grand Mall today, or Manky Mall as we not so affectionately call it, in search of some bright sparkly shoes. It is thee place to go if you are in search of something along the lines of pole dancing attire, or hooker gear if you get my drift.

I’ve never been able to fathom why all the shops are full of such raunchy kit in such a conservative country. Where do they wear it? I never see anyone dressed in it and there is no way the pavements of Cairo would allow you to walk in those shoes without breaking an ankle.

As for the underwear…well I’m assuming the peep hole bras and undies are for married ladies only in the privacy of their home. That’s fine, it’s just there is sooo much of it on display, do ALL egyptian ladies wear it? The sheer volume of it on display would leave you to think so, or maybe it’s just eye candy for the male shoppers and employees to brighten up their day as they stroll around.

Anyway, the pole dancing shoes were for me as I decided a bit of bling would brighten up a rather plain dress I have for the fancy ball I’m off to on Friday. So Chris and I wound our way up the escalators to the top floor which has a whole row of shops given over to all things tacky. We spied a very fetching mint green evening gown with a price tag that appeared to say 213le or about £20 quid, so in we popped for a nosey. Yes we are easily distracted, I know we were meant to be looking for shoes. Then all hell broke loose…..

We could hear shouting and screaming outside but we couldn’t see out, so off course we headed to the door for another nosey. Our nosiness is going to get us into trouble some day. There were lots of guys some with iron bars all fighting with each other. Not the usual Egyptian fighting which involves three boys holding one back, but proper real adrenalin fuelled hatred type fighting.

We retreated back into the shop but kept an eye out. Once they had moved away a bit we made our escape, or so we thought. We nipped out to the right and made our way along a back route which would have gotten us clear except there was another group fighting at that end, we were effectively hemmed in. A kindly older lady saw us and brought us into what appeared to be the Mall management office.

She said they were drug addicts and mimed shooting up into her arm, and that it happens every day! Don’t worry she said it will be over in 5 minutes. Well, it wasn’t. We sat for a while around a very smart boardroom table until the glass wall behind me shook and I jumped out of my seat.

They were right outside now pushing up against the glass wall and quite frankly it was pretty scary. We moved to the other side of the room to a window which the kindly old lady said we could jump through if they managed to break through the wall. Considering we were about 5 floors up that wasn’t a great option.

She was on the phone with security or the police but there was no sign of them. Chris was pretty calm, I was giggling but not in a good way, more a nervous get me outta here way, and it was really really noisy. There must have been about forty very angry men outside.

Eventually they moved away a bit and a couple of guys came in to escort us out. They brought us to a lift but I couldn’t be bothered waiting on it so Chris and I hot footed past the crowds now watching and down the escalator.

You could still hear them five floors below, but that didn’t deter us stopping off to pick up some very sparkly ear rings to match the shoes which will surely turn my ears green by midnight on Friday.

No police to be seen, it was around a half an hour since it started and still going strong when we left, so much for her 5 minutes. So people, avoid the Grand Mall between 1pm and 2pm as she told us they were fighting because the Mall rules now say all shops must be cleaned and opened by 12:30 which is far too early for the shop keepers….. hence the hoards of screaming men and iron bars! Oh Egypt!

Masalama, Slainte, Bye.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go……

Should I stay or should I go……that’s the dilemma facing a lot of our friends at the minute. Whilst the majority of Egyptians are over the moon at the prospect of Field Marshall Sisi becoming the next president a lot of the expatriate community and a tiny Egyptian minority, mainly those on twitter, is a little out of sync with the mood on the street. Stability is the buzz word, but I’m not seeing a lot of it.

No matter whom you ask the standard Egyptian response (in no small part due to state media brainwashing, oops did i say brainwashing out loud) is that “Egypt needs a strongman, Sisi is that man” well they’ve had strongmen for the last 60 years and look how well that worked out….

Quite frankly one of the saddest conversations I’ve had recently was with a very well educated and super smart Egyptian friend. I asked him what his plans were and his response made me so very sad. He said ” If I’m still here by October I will consider myself a failure” when I pushed him and asked where he would go he said ” anywhere that will take a 24 year old Egyptian ……..” the dots represent his profession, you don’t need to know.

Suffice to say that this young man is what Egypt needs, and lots more like him. The brain drain will take at least a generation to replenish, and the current climate won’t produce intellects that are questioning, logical or even rational. Combined with the fact they never bloody go to school, the national schools have been closed for over a month now, sorry I digress. Emotional nationalistic blackmail seems to be the order of the day. You are with us or against us, if you’re against us you are a terrorist, there is no middle ground.

That’s all very rich coming from me, an Irish expatriate who is doing what this young man aspires to do. I can’t really knock him, as soon as I finished university I was off. But it’s the reasoning behind the decision that’s so very different. It’s all very well leaving home to travel, see the world, catch a bit of sunshine or just to go somewhere to earn a few pounds, to experience different cultures, or whatever rocks your boat. To leave because you are frustrated, angry and despairing over the path your country is taking is something entirely different.

I could get on my high horse and say he should stay, his country needs him, and really it does need this guy, but truthfully if I was him I would go too. He is young, his whole life is ahead of him, at 24 I didn’t want the mantle of sorting out my country either, thankfully we had some elder statesmen who did. I’m not so sure Egypt has the same will, or want, to do so. Apologies to those who clicked the link expecting my usual fluff, but I care about this place and at the minute it’s doing my head in. Should I stay, or should I go, well I’m very lucky in that I have a choice, but I haven’t decided yet.

I’m still entertained by the daily sights, I love the friends I’ve made and something another friend said is nibbling at my brain. She said “I don’t want to leave Egypt on bad terms” neither do I. I don’t want the last few months to mar what has otherwise been a fantastic experience. Yes, I have “Bad Egypt Days” when the electricity cuts, the traffic, the perverts on the street grind me down. But and it’s it’s a really big but, if someone told me I’d spend the rest of my life here, I’d be pretty happy about it.

I will leave you with my new resolution; “I will not let the bastards grind me down” and there is always a ray of sunshine if you look hard enough

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Photo is by the fantastic Mosa’ab Elshamy follow him on twitter @mosaaberizing

Anyone for a Cupcake?

Well, January the first has been and gone, but in my repeating groundhog day existence I am stuck on what appears to be April 1st. In an ever spiralling alternative reality I am constantly overcome with a desire to pinch myself. For the last week or so Egypt has ….. Outdone itself…..You couldn’t make it up, if it was a movie plot it would be canned by the critics for being too far fetched, sadly the looneys have taken over the asylum.

We have had a puppet investigated for …well treason i think, its accused of sending subliminal messages to the Muslim Brotherhood, via a Vodafone Ad….to say that’s embarrassing for all sane Egyptians is an understatement. The international media picked up on it, must have been a slow news day, and although it didn’t make the cover of Time magazine it did make the inside pages, this is truly cringe worthy stuff.

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The “snitch” hotline is now up and running for all loyal citizens to report Muslim brotherhood members or sympathisers. Anyone putting up “Vote NO” posters for the upcoming “democratic” referendum will also be arrested, I’m not sure they get the either, or, option that a referendum entails. This hotline is most definitely open to abuse, any weary husband or wife or basically anyone with a grudge, simply needs to slip a Rabaa sign near the vicinity of the suspect, make the call and voila they are gone.

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The referendum will be policed by the army. The very sexy….well in some eyes, there is no accounting for taste, army spokesman Ahmed Ali posted pictures to their Facebook page showing the new gear they have acquired for the event. Yip, the ones in red with a ninja look about them, or maybe they are more Power Rangers… should make us all feel very safe. The outfits remind me of the Olympics when the National team turned up in fake Nike kit, or maybe it was Adidas, anyway someone is having a laugh here, the supplier being my number one suspect.

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Some of our friends have been evacuated again as a precaution in case there is any trouble during the voting process. I’ve lost count of the amount of times they’ve been evacuated, happy to say the hubby’s company seems to be oblivious to any upcoming trouble so we are staying put. I’m more concerned with the fact the ring road will be closed for maintenance thereby curtailing the Hubby’s golfing plans and leaving him at home with me…..

Just when we thought the whole “Egypt as a laughing stock” was dying down some bloody tourist in Hurghada reported seeing UFOs…..that’s now being investigated too. I imagine the outcome of the inquiry will be that Mossad is responsible, rather in the way that the sharks last year were MOSSAD agents seeking to undermine Egypts tourism industry by attacking tourists. Or, maybe they will be accredited to HAMAS carrying out reconnaissance for the brotherhood, who knows.

I live in the hope that someone will step up to the mark and make a rousing speech something along the lines of “OK people, time to catch yourselves on, get a grip, all these conspiracy theories, undercover agents, spy’s are a figment of your imagination, it’s embarrassing, more bizarre than even the absurd plot lines in a John Grisham novel” yeah well, I doubt there is anyone out there who could sway the SiSi love fest, oh and Yes he will be the next president, most definitely.

I’m going to keep my head down, tape my mouth shut too, oh and ideally wear only coats with deep pockets for fear of my foreign fingers getting me into bother. I will smile nicely at all the pervert policemen and soldiers who are now the flavour of the month and quietly wait until the referendum passes, which it will. It took 2 and 1/2 years from Mubarak being deposed until Morsi suffered the same fate, how long will Sisi last….I’m thinking we are in for the long haul.

There is a little kick back against all this nationalist fervour, it just depends which bakery you use, these delicious looking cupcakes are in support of @alaa who is once again in jail, as he has been under every regime, Mubarak, SCAF, Morsi, and now., (I’m not quite sure what to call the “now” period because it most definitely wasn’t a coup) The other logo is the “No to Military Trials” graphic, but I’m not sure cupcakes as a form of resistance is gong to make much difference….I won’t be buying any just in case..

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Slainte, Masalama, Bye

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Spy Catchers

I’m a big fan of David Baldacci the author, I love his books. They all centre around conspiracy theories, spies, intrigue, murder and state sponsored subterfuge. Right now I feel like I’m living in one of his novels. Its probably not such a good idea to live around the corner from road 9 police station. As I nip out for my milk, a loaf and 40 fags i can spot the plain clothed policemen with their baggy shirts not so discreetly hiding bulges. It’s pointless anyway, the casually dangling machine gun gives them away. I am surrounded by masses of undercover agents, all on steroids and with the paranoia of methamphetamine addicts.

It’s common knowledge that Egyptians are rather fond of their drugs, prescription or otherwise, but at the minute I think the whole country is in the grip of the “Heebie, Jeebies” The fact that they arrested a stork last week, yes that’s right a stork, is just the latest episode in this surreal version of Egypt’s cold war. “Spy Duck” screamed the headlines from every state sponsored newspaper, yip, they couldn’t even get the species right but hey the education system here is rather lacking.

Anyway, the spy duck was found in Fayoum with an electronic device attached to its leg, some loyal citizen then duly handed it over to the police. The fact that it was taken into custody, held under the prevention of terrorism act, investigated, interrogated….(how did they do that?) and eventually released once it’s alibi checked out is severe cause for alarm. A tracking device monitoring global migratory patterns was never considered, and sadly, the poor stork is now dead. It was found in Sinai a couple of days ago where quite possibly it committed suicide as a result of having flashbacks of its time spent incarcerated.

This is not a spoof, google it, not only does this country have no common sense whatsoever but your average guy on the street has no problem defending the actions of the state. They are completely brain washed to believe that the world in general, America in particular, wants to to pillage and plunder Egypt and it’s people. Eh, NO, your average rancher in Texas, or publican in Ireland would be hard pressed to find Egypt on a map, actually quite a few politicians and news outlets would be hard pressed too….

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Egypt, get over yourselves. Everyone is much more concerned about Manchester United without Alex Ferguson, and the new X Factor line up.

I think I’ve worked out where this self absorption comes from, and at the risk of losing all my male Egyptian readers, quite possibly all male readers I’m going to go for it. Egypt is a patriarchal society, being born a male automatically elevates you above 50% of the population, yip, all the women. Never mind if you are completely thick, incapable of any form of reasoning, quite possibly incapable of wiping your own arse, by the sheer chance of being born a male you are already “better” than 50% of the population. If you are a first born male in your household I’d elevate that percentage to 75%.

The males of this nation are brought up to believe they are simply fabulous. At this stage I’d have to rest some of the blame on their mothers ( I will have no readers left) for they perpetuate the stereotype by hero worshipping them from day one. It doesn’t matter if they are lazy wee shits, obnoxious and quite often truly pathetic individuals they will be surrounded by “enablers” who reinforce their narcissistic complex. They are the centre of the world and unfortunately this carries through to the nation as a whole.

In theory the world at large should aspire to take over Egypt. The ancient monuments, the history the truly awesome climate are unprecedented elsewhere. But let’s get real. Egypt is a shit hole. The whole country is about to implode, or at the very least collapse, it’s simply unsustainable. When we came here the population was growing by 1 million every 9 months, which was pretty scary but the latest figures now show its 1 million every 6 months. There is not enough water, electricity, roads and more importantly jobs to sustain this. Birth control anyone?

Sorry, I got side tracked there, rant over and back to spies, foreign fingers, hidden hands and general paranoia. Let’s move on to general Sisi…I am rather wary of addressing this topic and following the reaction of my driver when I made some rather derogatory comments regarding the gentleman I may already be on the spy catchers radar. I’ve definitely been here too long as yes, I actually believe I may have been reported under some vague paragraph of the emergency law that allows for arresting blonde female expats for voicing their opinion. :Subsection CC perhaps..

I think it’s probably safer to leave you with a little photograph collection to give you the gist of the undying love felt by the Egyptian people for Mr Sisi……….

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Dirty Laundry

I’ve been feeling I needed to write something for days now, a purely selfish cathartic piece, an exorcism of confusion if you will, as I try to get my head around what’s going on in Egypt, this crazy messed up place we call home.

Writing this blog has a been a bit like riding a bike, I’ve got into the swing of it, I’ve peddled the Maadi expat persona and concerned myself with vitally important expat lady things, wine, manicures, bookclubs, drivers, maids, gin and more wine. I’ve had a blast, and a lot of fun doing it. But the stabilisers have come of now, and I’m shit scared.

Am I shit scared for Egypt? Straight answer NO, I think they will muddle through. It will work out rather in the way the electrician who turns up with a plastic bag of tools comprising a screwdriver and some tape will manage to fix your washing machine.

You know the leaking plastic pipe needs replaced, he knows it too, but it’s the Egyptian way to stick a bit of tape on it, patch it up, and pretend its fine. Easier to stick with the old one with a few adjustments than rip out the washing machine, flood the kitchen and spend the time and effort sourcing a replacement part.

That piece of taped up plastic pipe looks different now, it’s face to world is unrecognisable, it’s a different colour, it feels different but underneath we all know it’s just the same. Sisi is not Tantawi, is not Mubarak but……

The last time around, way back in 2011 the electrician/electorate thought they would have a go at changing the pipe. They had a go, they couldn’t find exactly what they were looking for so they compromised. Morsi wasn’t an exact fit, he didn’t meet the manufacturers criteria but they ploughed on even though it started leaking from day one.

After a year of struggling on and mopping up the damage the electorate threw their heads up and ripped him out. The “told you so brigade” are happy we’ve reverted to the old one, they’re insisting it’s a temporary measure until they can source the right part. I’m happy enough with that if it’s true, it’s just the manufacturers of these parts, the political parties, don’t seem to be producing anything that fits the specifications.

They could off course change the whole machine, start from scratch with a completely different model. They could write a whole new constitution bringing into state control all the army’s commercial interests and budget. How about the pasta factories, water bottling plants, refrigerator factories, construction companies etc etc become state property, the army stick to defending national security, you know like in the rest of the world?

That won’t happen, no chance, so we will muddle on through, maybe address women’s rights, NGOs, the filthy streets, tourism etc while the elephant in the room (military/MOI) nods its head and says carry on folks, great job.

I’m no fan of the brotherhood, they were a disaster for this country economically, socially, in fact in just about every way. Their true colours have been unveiled to the world with their hasty removal of their Al Queda flags from their protests once the international media descended. Quickly replaced with brand spanking new ones in English calling for democracy. But…and here it is people the thing that’s really scaring me is the fact that there are those that think dispersing sit ins will get rid of them.

Time to waken up Egypt, for the MB are the other elephant in the room. The brotherhood have been around for 80+ years, they ain’t going anywhere. No matter how distasteful it may seem now, they need to be engaged, they need to be included, they are part of this country whether you like it or not. Dialogue is the only way forward, and reform from the inside out, and top down. You can present your shiny new exterior to the world, but without reform, well lets say in the background you’ll be washing your dirty laundry with faulty parts.

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Sexual Healing

Ok, I think I’ve just about had it with Egypt. I have reached the stage where no amount of self medicating can dull the pain. I’ve tried the gin, the wine even the 5hour shots but Egypt is a chronic case. We all get bad Egypt days, when the car horns seem louder, when the suicidal drivers seem to have you in their sights, when the rubbish on the street is extra disgusting and the perverts seem to be out in force. But the news this morning has tipped me over the edge. This gentleman, General Sisi, the one who is actually running the country, contrary to what the international media may say, has called for mass protests on Friday and that’s just about the last straw.

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Look at him, just look at him, dark sunglasses probably fake, stay pressed form fitting uniform, multiple shiny medals, extra large highly peaked hat, all he is missing is one of those horsetail things you wave around and use to swat the flies off, ideally in a leopard print design. This guy is for real, he is not some Borat spoof in the style of “Dictator” he is the face of the continuing revolution, oh my. This country is obsessed with dates, we have places called 6th October, 15th May, 10th Ramadan, 26th July etc etc. We had the day off yesterday for 23rd July Revolution day. January 25th is also policemans day, or revolution day 2011, and I’m sure 30th June next year will be yet another revolution day 2013…

How about we have a real revolution day, you know try something different and call for everyone to go to work and actually do what they are paid to do for a full 8hours. How about the tea breaks, smoke breaks, ablutions breaks, prayer breaks, dinner breaks are all counted as time not working and deducted from their salaries. How about they don’t surf the Internet, call their mates, or blame the traffic for being late. I reckon they would need to turn up to work at 6am and stay until midnight to actually squeeze in an 8 hour working day, and even then it probably wouldn’t be productive.

What are they going to do on Friday, here’s what. They are going to walk ….then they are going to sit, cos they are really good at that, then they will eat Iftar and then the blood will flow once it’s dark. It will carry on through the night, each side will blame the other then your man above will step in and issue a state of emergency. Maybe not this weekend, but its coming, then we will have a curfew and even less work will get done, and repeat, and repeat…..

This is just my take but the pro Morsi sit-ins are really bugging Mr Sisi above there. They are getting lots of international coverage, I guess thats to counteract the complete blanket on coverage here and the MB PR team have really stepped up their game. They have told the protesters to lose their Al Qaeda flags and replaced them with brand spanking new ones in English, much more media friendly. They are meant to say Morsi is our president but “P” and “B” are interchangeable for Egyptians so quite a few say Morsi is our Bresident. They are not too hot on the spelling of Obama either

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I think there will be a massive turnout in support of General Sisi, apart from the fact that the vast majority of Egyptians think he is fabulous, his PR guy Ahmed Ali is hot. The females of the population are fawning over his good looks and creating Facebook appreciation pages. The whole country has a teenage mentality, hero worshipping this guy. Here he is, judge for yourself, personally I think his hair cannot possibly be that black, and there appears to be a severe lack of a monobrow which we all know is standard for all Egyptian males. I suspect tweezers or possibly some wax in his pocket…

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Maybe the real reason they want to break up the MB sit In is because they are jealous. Now why could they possibly be jealous? Well that’s easy peasy because the MB ladies have been asking if it’s time for Sexual Jihad yet? Basically the kindly ladies want to know if it’s time for supplying the males with sexual favours to “keep them motivated” in their quest against the infidels. Who dreamed up this crazy idea?

My guess is it was a bunch of goofy ugly blokes who thought they would put forward their dream scenarios cooked up down some side street under the influence of some rather special hashish and gauge the reaction. Obviously everyone else at the time was stoned and replied with a “hey bro I think you’re on to something there” and there we have it, let’s roll with this, it’s time for some sexual healing.

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Yes ok ok I know this is probably a load of crap, and No there are no tours offering this all inclusive package to lusty males but it has been in all the papers, everyday this week. Oh, and Angel Gabriel apparently appeared too, not sure if he was giving his blessing or having a coronary, but this is the mentality you are up against, there is no fecking hope for this country, none at all.

General Sisi has called for this protest, the MB have called for their guys to turn out too, This ain’t going to end well. I really don’t get the Sisi call out, he is in charge, what’s he trying to prove? He is like a Billy no mates shouting I’ve got more friends than you have……you need to picture that in an annoying sing song voice, no you don’t, yes i do, no you don’t………………….or, if I was rude, my dicks bigger than your dick, obviously I wouldn’t be that rude. That’s me I’m done, time to go, I’m outta here.

Masalama , Slainte

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