RPG Attack in Maadi?

I Woke up yesterday to twitter going crazy over “RPG” attack in Maadi. There had been a couple of loud blasts about 4:30 am which obviously I slept through, years of practice with the hubby’s snoring renders me immune to such trifles.

The loud blasts are fairly common, last weeks turned out to be a gas canister exploding in a florists, so you’ve got to take the twitter people with a pinch of salt. The much more scary headline, for me anyway, was “Egypt to Build Nuclear Power Station”

The fact that it’s possible to die here just by working in a florists, hardly the most dangerous career path, and taking into consideration Egyptians general apathy to all things health and safety related, means I am out of here the minute this Nuclear power plant hits the construction phase.

It took a couple of hours for the newspapers to pick up on the blasts, and even then it was Al Watan, who lets just say aren’t the most reliable source. Meanwhile twitter had variously accredited the blasts to an electrical explosion, tanks firing canons, (do tanks even have canons nowadays?) The tanks along the Suez road we saw over the weekend certainly do not.

That may however have something to do with the fact they are made out of cardboard. Yes really, ok maybe not cardboard but they are made from plywood at best, although I’m still not sure why, they may be remnants from the “ghost Army” deployed during the war. Fascinating stuff, here is the link………ghost army….nor am I sure why there is a giant helmet on display either, maybe it’s to confuse those sneaky Israelis taking aerial photographs.

Fake tank

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More fake stuff on display at the citadel…..awesome stuff eh?

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Back to the RPGs. One of the oil companies sent out a security notice to say the blasts were controlled explosions in a nearby quarry, and that’s when the alarm bells started ringing, for me anyway. This is their standard cover story, they accredited last years sonic boom to these mysterious blasts too, it’s what they send out when they haven’t a clue what’s going on. In fairness Its not the oil companies fault, they are being fed this line from their security sources.

But come on people waken up, these blasts went off during curfew, so no one should have been at work to start with, never mind the fact the quarry is in Helwan so unless there was some sort of time travel machine that captured the sound of the blasts from the quarry and deposited them in Maadi I’m not buying it.

UFOs were also a possibility floated as being responsible for the blasts. These proposals didn’t make their way to twitter, thankfully, they were merely voiced by my friends, which shows the quality of the company I keep. Their “proof” of UFOs was based on the fact the roundabout at Midan Victoria is displaying signs of crop circles. The proximity to the Ace Club of this roundabout may have something to do with their perception.

By mid afternoon the RPG story was generally accepted as true and Sky News, the BBC and Al Jazeera were running with it. The confirmation appeared to come from the military spokes person via ONTV, who I would place in a similar category as Al Watan. Details began to emerge that the target was the nile-sat satellite dish but they missed and hit the international phone satellite instead. There is no way of verifying this as no one I know has an international phone line to check. It never bloody works anyway so it won’t make any difference, thank goodness for Skype.

We are really none the wiser and I’ve been in Egypt too long to be sure of anything. The abundance of conspiracy theories and warped logic I’m surrounded by has totally screwed any deductive reasoning I may have had. It either happened, or it didn’t. If it did, someone wants us to believe it didn’t. If it didn’t someone wants us to believe it did, take your pick.

This “rocket” may be similar to the one used in the attack…….also on display at the citadel, scary stuff!!

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UPDATE :YOU TUBE VIDEO OF THE ATTACK claimed by “Al-Furqan Brigades” I cannot testify to the authenticity of this.

For Video Click Here

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The Special One

I was at a dinner party the other evening, a leaving party for yet another one of my friends, and it was rather posh. I don’t often get to swan about in Katamaya, but I went fully prepared. I put on my high heels, my newest skirt, and a little blouse, I even washed my hair and shaved my legs. I packed my fags into my Channel handbag (fake off course) and thought I looked the part.

The downside to this ensemble was that en-route to this party I had to stop off at the Ace Club in Maadi, make a speech in front of the assembled crowd and hope they would vote me on to the committee. I looked like a proper lady who lunches, and quite honestly I was crapping it. The hubby wasn’t even there to lend his support, he was off galavanting at the golf.

I did the speech stone cold sober as i had to walk up to the microphone and back again. I sidelined my usual tipple of fine Egyptian wine as the combination of it, and high heels turn me into Bambi. Anyway I did alright and managed to get on, waved my goodbyes and headed off to see the Katamaya crowd.

It was a lively evening but there was an underlying layer of sadness to be saying yet another good bye. I was the only smoker so I discreetly nipped away for a quick fag kindly accompanied by an ex smoker who wanted to hover near by and imbibe of some passive Marlboro light.

There is an underlying feeling of sadness in Egypt too. The buzz has gone. Egypt is tired, fed up, and depressed, We need an inspirational personality to step in and grab the bull by the horns and get things going again. I have the very boy in mind, Jose Mourinho.

Just picture Jose addressing the nation, suave, sophisticated, handsome, sexy and George Clooney-esque. That would be enough to give the economy the boost it needs straight away. Imagine the tourists flocking back just to catch a glimpse of those rugged good looks. But, Jose is not just a pretty face, he is a media darling with his sound bites of wisdom, and his obviously modest persona.

Little snippets from his speeches would go something like this:

“I am Jose Mourinho your President, I am the special one, Egyptian people you are my new team, I am zee boss”

“Men in Egypt play very good with balls….too much playing with balls not good, men in Egypt need to learn how to score…if you score no need to play with balls”

“I am a very stylish man, I am beautiful, Egyptian people should dress like me. Your clothes now very ugly, my team needs look cool. Crocs are banned”

“Egyptian people you cannot grow grass (except good gardeners in Katamaya) Astro Turf will replace all grass, save water, more to wash with, and stop stupid Bowab wet my feet with hose”

Oh, we can but dream, I hereby nominate Jose Mourinho for President, he can’t fuck it up anymore than the last one, or the latest crew.

Thats sorts Egypt out but I still have my underlying sadness at losing so many friends. Our book-club has been decimated. By Christmas only myself and one other member will remain from the original line up. I will no longer be able to regale you with tales of their gin sozzeled conversations, or their expat lady troubles. I need to find some new friends. Selection criteria will be based purely upon their comedic competencies, but in truth I can’t be arsed.

Slainte, Masalama, Bye.

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