Not Quite Right

This special posting is going out to all you mollycoddled evacuees who work for companies that actually give a shit, or alternatively American companies who are big chickens and run at the sound of a large firecracker. Am I glad we stayed? Hell yes. Am I jealous of you lot cavorting in proper shopping malls and enjoying unrestricted pork and alcohol access? Hell yes on that one too.

I have no intention of annoying or upsetting any evacuees, particularly as I know quite a lot of you didn’t want to go, but mainly because I shall be inundating you with special requests for those little luxuries absent in Cairo. I have attached a list at the bottom, feel free to purchase any item and I will reimburse you upon return. (Seriously)

What have we been up to the last couple of weeks since you lot cleared off? Lots and lots and lots, primarily because with the latest revolution/coup a full working day has been impossible. Oh, and with Ramadan now in the mix, then Eid, I don’t foresee a full working day until about mid August. Life sure is tough.

We have had to solider on and attend the quiz nights (came second last night, our best ever placing) and the Karaoke, which is not our forte but the hubby’s dancing goes down a treat. Once the crowd figure out that his swivelling hips are merely a distraction from the fact that his versions of Johnny Cash/Madness/TheSpecials bear no resemblance to the originals we will probably not be allowed to sing. For now though as punters are very depleted they humour us, sorry him, I do not sing but rather preside over proceedings telling everyone else what to do, yes I’m a bit bossy.

We have also been in attendance at the Pork BBQ, happy hours and committee meetings which are really just cover for drinking clubs. Unfortunately we missed the Bingo but will try and fit it into the schedule next week. Phew, thankfully Kimo now stock 5hour energy shots which we were previously only able to obtain through some very dubious Australian contacts.

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Just to let you know, not that I would be rubbing it in or anything, you have all missed out on significant deliveries since your departure. As with anything in Egypt they are just “not quite right” …..yes the stores are stocked and since there are very few of us around I shall be taking the opportunity to stock up on the weird and wonderful things now available. Easter eggs for instance, I am surrounded by Easter eggs….not really sure why? Perhaps they have been floating in a tanker off Alexandria since February sometime, but there you go they appear to have been given the all clear by the new regime. Definitely a bonus point in their favour.

Brussel sprouts, yes, brussel sprouts and cranberry sauce are now readily available. Again, just “not quite right” particularly mid August but obviously the new guys in charge have lifted all restrictions on expat comfort food. Still no sign of parsnips but things are changing at such a swift pace I have high expectations.

Another bonus we will be taking advantage of this weekend are all the special offers from hotels who are reaching out to us mere mortals now all the oil companies and Americans have pissed off. Ha, apparently Irish builders are now in the elite so we will milk it while we can. Yes the hubby will smuggle in his nestle bottle full of Alcohol whist I will be carrying my insulated coffee cup of wine. We are a class act. Even with their special offers there is no way we will be paying the ridiculous hotel prices.

Let’s see now, what else? Hmmm, pedigree chum, yip, pedigree chum seems to have landed big time. For all you dog lovers out there you will appreciate the magnitude of this little tit bit. There won’t be any left when you come back as I am on a mission to clear the shelves of this vital commodity. The tins are 18le which is a rip off by any standard but the love for my four legged friend means I will forego both my manicure/pedicure appointment and wash and blow dry this week to divert the funds for the nutritional benefit of Harry my dog. I may consider part exchange on the dog food for any kind souls who smuggle in the items on my list.

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Ok people here is the list. I have been working on this for a few days and have just realised it epitomises what a simple girl I am, or cheapskate if I’m really honest. Perhaps that’s why I like Egypt, no way will I be paying for designer stuff when the knock off will do, here you go.

1 Berrocca…yes the Superdrug or pound shop version is fine

2 Rimmel eyebrow pencil in the colour “fair” (you need to go to a basic chemist for this one Rimmel is not a brand stocked in the fancy duty free shops)

3 Rimmel sun shimmer powder colour “medium Matt” (same directions apply)

4 St Moritz false tan mousse. (yes I know I live in a sunny country but I can’t be bothered with that sunbathing lark) this one is about £3.99 and I DON’T want the expensive St Tropez one

5 Cider yeast sachets. This ones for the hubby, and remember delivery people you will increase your chance of sampling the Turbo Cider it is required for.

6 Sarsons brown malt vinegar, a necessity for homemade chips.

7 LIONS midget gems, only available from proper sweetie shops with big jars on display

8 Soda bread flour. I think only M&S in the UK do this one but you will receive a bacon and egg soda farl in return, if you bring the bacon…..

There you go now, that’s loads to be getting on with. I’m off now to strip the shelves of pedigree chum, Easter eggs and cranberry sauce. I forgot to mention that since your departure a life changing event occurred, the ACE club now has a generator. I know, I know simply fabulous, it’s “Not quite right” either as it’s not connected yet but this is a truly major event. I hope they have a launch night as that would give us yet another excuse to party, I will raise a glass of fine Egyptian “Beausoleil” to celebrate, yes that’s how you spell it, not Beaujolais cos that would be the real thing. I told you, we are in Egypt it’s “Not Quite Right”

Masalama, Slainte

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5 thoughts on “Not Quite Right

  1. maireadhoey says:

    I’ve had a fairly rapid response via Facebook, thanks people, items 1-4 appear to be taken care off much appreciated x

  2. Pkapp says:

    where are u getting the brussel sprouts? And, ps, not all oil expats have left!!! We are definitely enjoying the quiet around Maadi

    • Mairead Hoey says:

      Mohamed the salafi veg man around the corner from Miriam Market. He is just a young guy with the veg in the street. He has it mixed in with all the Asian veg for some reason. I know there are still some die hard oil guys left, they are our audience for the Karaoke, they can’t sing either!

  3. barbara says:

    Oh, I am so homesick now! I will be back and will try and bring you some of the things on your list. My return date is scheduled for aug.16th. thanks for the update! Glad you are ok.

  4. Emma says:

    Hiya I am heading to Ireland next Thursday for a week and then scotland for a week, let me know if you still need some of the harder to find items, I ma back I think 10th August if thats any good

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