Back to Basics

We all like a good whine now and again and I’m no exception. Ive just read my last couple of blogs and they’re way too happy cheery, I don’t want you all getting the wrong impression and imagining I’m a happy smily type individual cos I’m not. I can moan with the best off them, so it’s back to basics and time to purge on those twats who are meant to be running this bloody country.

I don’t know whether to start with the nude ballet dancers, the porn stars in Hurghada or just launch straight in with the complete numptys who make up the government. Stuff it, the numptys it is. They aired live on TV a debate concerning the Ethiopians decision to divert a tributary of the Nile to build a dam. (you know like planning ahead so they can meet electricity demands, don’t get me started on that one) Apparently the esteemed members, yes members, I’m being as polite as I can….think about it……. didn’t know it was being filmed……generally the big cameras are a hint but hey maybe they thought Morsi was shooting footage for himself, you know like you do for an 6 year olds birthday.

Well, a 6 year olds birthday party is what it resembled. Picture a bunch of middle aged men with paunches high on …….probably sugar, let’s be honest too much tea, cake and BeBsi, planning to overthrow an arch enemy rather in the style of 6 year olds with a James Bond fetish. Their suggestions included spreading rumours Egypt was buying military planes to “put pressure on Ethiopia” what??? like the heaps of F16 fighter jets they have from the USA don’t count.

Other suggestions included sending political, military and intelligence teams, intelligence? yeah good luck with that one to liaise with the rebels. In true Egyptian style they would be late, miss the meeting with their contact, nip out for a shisha, trip on their flip flops, apply a massive bandage, cos they don’t do pain and then head off for a nap, generally forgetting why they had come. Oh and obviously it wouldn’t be their fault, no their wife would have forgotten to wake them or some such other nonsense. I can picture the covert mission set to an Amr Diab sound track, there would have to be “Habibi” some where in the title. Moving swiftly on….

An 8 year old video of Morsi surfaced showing him talking about dancing being banned in Islam and not being compliant with Sharia, well, if that means I no longer have to suffer the sight of Egyptian men dancing with other men in the street after football matches, and at weddings I’m all for it. Never, I repeat never have I witnessed such uncoordinated displays of what can only be described as epileptics on steroids. (apologies to all epileptics) the sequence of events that followed I am assured have no relation to each other…..the culture minister was sacked, the opera house went on strike and the Nour party jumped on board and stated that Ballet was “the art of nudes” and that it “spread immorality and obscenity to the people”

We had this naked thing before when Morsi was in Germany, remember that Gaff when he talked about women running naked in the street. Well they don’t mean actually naked like you and me think, you know no clothes and all that. No, what they actually mean is a female without the abaya and hijab, so I, and I’m sure lots of you are strolling downtown Cairo naked everyday. Funny how the men in shorts and T-shirts aren’t naked eh…even the salafi men aren’t adverse to displaying a finely turned ankle, usually accompanied with black curling toenails it has to be said.

On to the porn stars, now where do I start. Phew, well basically they arrested about a dozen Georgian tourists for filming on the beach. It was basically a swimwear photoshoot but again I suppose in the police men’s minds they were naked if you follow the logic above. Just picture, 40+ degree heat, a beach, tourists, WTF were they thinking running about in bikinis and swimsuits getting their hair wet, I imagine they were even laughing, messing about in the sand, maybe even rubbing sun cream into each other, scandalous!! Obviously they weren’t behaving appropriately for the location. They should have been fully clothed sitting under umbrellas and consuming enough cakes and fizzy drinks to sustain their weight gain programme and speed up their type 2 diabetes diagnosis.

I’m going to post this now, not because I’ve proof read it or anything but purely because the electricity is working and I really need to go dry my hair before I nip off to book club tonight. I may have to have a little tipple too as the ice is melting and I don’t want to waste it.

Masalama, Slainte!


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