Blackmail & Thongs

There is only so much a girl can do, its terribly difficult at times, but, having said that, I do have the “Help” to assist me. Copious amounts of wine i find is an excellent helper and then there are those legions of people whom, if you pay appropriate amounts to, do what you ask. Well, not quite what you ask, it is Egypt, but close enough. It really depends on the amount of wine consumed as to whether i judge it to be close enough, well the wine is only one factor, how the hormones are behaving at my time of life is also significant and can greatly impact the outcome.

Apologies to the hubby for having to put up with me these past couple of weeks, but really, delivering 70 floral table centres in a taxi, yes a bloody taxi, in 43 degree heat with two life size arrangements tied to the roof as they hurtled down the ring road didn’t do anything for the quality of their presentation. Oh, and the fact they arrived an hour late didn’t help. So the little hissy fit I threw was entirely justified. The hubby had nothing to do with the floral delivery, he just happened to be in earshot. I really do need to work on my Arabic cursing skills, at the moment it’s still too basic for my liking but my hand gestures have improved significantly.

I was left stunned, exasperated, embarrassed, shocked and dismayed by the outrageous Shenanigans last Friday night. I was aiming for an exclusive classy event and had set it up to be the Cairo Expat Society highlight of the summer season, you know kinda posh. We had the Opera House string Quartet, Ahmed Harfoush (you don’t get classier than him) the Riff band, Mena House as the venue, all set at the foot of the pyramids,……….Where did it all go wrong?

The guest list, thats where……………….who would have thought I would be spending this morning distributing lost property. Not just any lost property, no, returning the the leopard skin thong…. to a certain golf pro was not what I had on the agenda. Nor was acting as Prince charming to the Cinderella who obviously must have hobbled home in her one black patent shoe. The fact these items were actually claimed amazed me, and in the case of the thong I had two enquiries……don’t ask, one rather disappointed guest is all I can say. The golf pro has photographic evidence to back up his claim, I only looked you understand on the grounds of thoroughly investigating his claim, and no I won’t post the picture. However, the unsuccessful applicant was on my table, yes I know scandalous but he does suffer from an affliction. His more kindly friends call him “Tourette’s”

Moving swiftly along a certain Gentleman whom I will call by the alias of “sideshow” outdid even himself. Having been invited back to my room, sorry suite, for post event drinkies, yeah like we really needed more, he got rather waylaid. I should say at this point that there were other guests too including my husband and “sideshows wife” amongst our select little group, we even had a doctor, just in case any of you are picturing a secret rendezvous. Sideshows wife was mentioned in my previous blog, she is now commonly known as the “spanx” lady, and I have to say they worked a treat she looked simply fabulous on the night. It’s a pity she only managed to keep her shoes on for about 10 minutes but at least she remembered to take them home!

Back to sideshow, in between the invitation and him dropping off his cool bag our room number slipped his mind…..he did say he checked at reception and they told him no such number existed. They redirected him to a different room, well so he says I have no way of verifying this. Suffice to say he never got to our room but the residents of the room directly below ours, (probably best I don’t mention that room number) had they opened their eyes, would have been rather surprised to find a large gentleman in a cow print Blazer and Fez in their bedroom, vodka bottle in hand asking if this was where the party was!

Blackmail was in evidence too, I must say the hubby was the main instigator in this. If you are tuning in to Nile FMs Big Drive Home and notice a subtle shift in the music style just around 5:30 -6pm, lets say a little Ska, some tunes from the Specials etc. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the DJ, Mr G is partial to Petes Turbo Cider. He gave him his last bottle without any preconditions at all…..what I will say is that it’s a good job Mr Barry is home around this time as having watched his dancing it would be dangerous if he was driving and Petes tunes came on. I now understand his penchant for Fred Perry polo Shirts.

Finally, some people just make your night, the ever so suave Mr Broken D, along with his stunning girlfriend H really should mind what they say. Telling everyone poolside about the shocked concierge had us all in fits into our Bloody Mary’s. They were for medicinal purposes I swear, although on reflection I think that may have been the morning before the ball…..hmmm yes maybe we started a tad early. Anyway telling the tale of the shocked doorman who thought Broken D was the stunning H’s father …….yes he actually said it, and voiced his concerns about them sharing the kingsize bed…….. whilst extremely flattering to H does leave us wondering if Broken had a hard paper round.,,,,,,I could go on and on but really there was just too much for one posting, I would need a book to fit it all in, maybe that’s what I’ll do, yip think I will, title suggestions welcome.

Masalama, Slainte, until the next time.

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4 thoughts on “Blackmail & Thongs

  1. aussie210C says:

    Too funny Mairead, lucky lucky Anne Marie, that the blog was full. All I can say is shower on by the pool 🙂

  2. Hamish Esslemont says:

    Talking of lost property…..still no sign of my effing icebox then ?!
    Book title – Beyond the Pyramids, A Nights Tale ??
    H ( no, not Daddy’ D’s H ! )

  3. olga Hoey says:

    The Ball was a big success..Well done Pictures are Fab But You look amazn…xx Well done the Blog is a great read..x

  4. maireadhoey says:

    Some people got off very lightly, especially Annemarie and the streaker….I may have to create an x rated sub blog with restricted access. Just shows the quality of the company I keep…..

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