Turbo Time

They did it! They bloody did it! They have raided the last bastions of expat escapism in Maadi and removed all imported alcohol from the shelves of these fine establishments. No longer can we swan around in our “Man from Delmonte” regalia, gin and tonic in hand whilst discussing the natives. Ok so maybe it’s more faded golf gear, slightly stained, burger in one hand and a Jack and coke in the other but you get my drift.

Frankly people its the end of an era……..When they ship in all those newbie teachers about August time we will be able to reminisce, ruminate and obviously regurgitate our tales of daring doo………boring them sh@tless in the process recounting the good old days. On a side note probably better for all employers not to let their prospective workforce out on any kind of reconnaissance mission, just saying.

We need to plan people, we need a target to aim for, not literally obviously that would be illegal., although there are a few bearded guys who spring to mind………..anyway, I suggest we go with the old expat favourite of a stiff upper lip, no point crying over spilt milk, or in this case gallons of wasted vodka, whiskey, gin, tequila…….but is it really wasted? I Wonder where it went to………Hmmm me thinks some taxi drivers will be raking it in this weekend. “something for the weekend Sir” could have a whole new meaning on the streets of Cairo come tomorrow evening.

Fortunately for me I saw this scenario coming, or rather the Hubby did. Hats of to him he has been experimenting, fine tuning and generally footering about with the alcohol content of his totally organic home brewed “Turbo Cider” I won’t bore you with the recipe, perhaps a patent pending, suffice to say its on a par with prison hooch, and now that carefully “Crafted” recipe will be in big demand. (Crafted as in ….Can’t Remember A Fu$king Thing) type alcohol content. Portadown people you know where that comes from. Sssshhhh.

He is bottling up 10 litres tonight, I suspect I may be sent on an errand to road 9 tomorrow. Shopping list to comprise, some extra large storage jars, (10 litres just wont cut it) extra yeast, and I’m sure the wee man in the hardware shop is wondering what I get up to with that extra fine clear tubing…….I will leave it to his imagination. We even have the labels printed here you go…


Tonight’s batch is rather special as the organic apple juice was donated by a kindly Dr Trout, special edition labels to be run off tomorrow at Soho print to commemorate his considerate gesture. Yip looks like I will be in for a busy day, never mind clearing the shelves in Kimo market of all their apple juice.

I can thoroughly recommend the “Juhayna” brand as being top quality for these purposes. It makes a light sparkling variety with a refreshing aftertaste. We did use other brands as rumour has it that Juhayna is owned by the Muslim brotherhood, we didn’t want to support them, sorry not support we didn’t want to offend them by using their brand for cider making purposes. But hey there you go turns out their product is perfect, wonder what they would make of that?

Hot off the press, I’m off to soho print with this tomorrow



Morsi Ain’t No Mandela

Morsi ain’t no Mandela, nope, no way not even close. Both were the first “democratically” elected presidents, both fresh out of jail for their beliefs and, and….yes well that’s where the similarities end. Let’s see now Mandela came to power on the back of the disintegration of Apartheid, Morsi on the back of a revolution, unfortunately for Egypt he rode in on the camels back and now it’s broken.

All those straws in typical Egyptian fashion were stacked way too high. No thought was given to the bridges to be manoeuvred under, the bends and bumps along the way, the winds, often gale force, of public opinion battering against it, never mind the fuel, food, electricity, water and friendly assistance required to complete the journey. Morsi rather like a camel is running on empty, how long before his legs buckle and the whole house of straw comes crashing down.

The sooner the better ….some might say (obviously I can’t say that, that would be insulting the President and we all know what happens to those silly people) Bassem Youssef the Egyptian satirical comedian is one example, up on charges for amongst other things making fun of Morsi in this outfit, sorry but how could you not! This was taken on his tour to Pakistan, it’s a bad job when Morsi has to indulge in a variation of the Emperors new clothes, I mean where were his advisors!


His advisors, or his prime minister at least was playing truant, yes him Kandil of the “Mucky Breasts” quotes, Getting his game points up on the Smurfs Village App apparently. He tweeted ”

“Doctor Smurf prescribes cakes, pies and smurfberries as part of a healthy diet.”

Now, Egyptians need no encouragement to eat cakes or pies, not quite sure what the Smurfberries are but hey they can’t be any worse than their other diabetes inducing favourites. These people are running the country, no, no, not the Smurfs the other two eejits. Although………………

Morsi is now seeking an English teacher through AUC and has apparently completed his diplomacy lessons, phew well that’s a relief, hopefully we see a decrease in the finger wagging and “naked” quotes, but why does he need English lessons? He did his degree in America prior to working for NASA, no sorry he didn’t work for NASA that appears to have been propaganda from the Muslim Brotherhood, now retracted. Maybe the degree thingy is a bit like the NASA thingy as I can’t see how he has a PHD from an American University yet can’t speak English, weird, is Baksheesh common in America?

Getting back to Mandela, one of his most famous quotes is-

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Obviously Morsi isn’t up on how newly released prisoners should conduct themselves on becoming President. He seems to have it confused with #TheArabTyrantManual, for which he is writing new chapters daily. He should have a chat with Mandela, should being the operative word, unfortunately he is more likely to give the Smurfs a call, that In itself would be ok if he got Papa Smurf or even Brainy Smurf but you just know this is how the conversation would go

Grouchy (Morsi): Where the Smurf are we?
Gutsy: Up the smurfin’ creek without a paddle, that’s where!