Birds Bearded Boobs..

I’m wondering what pearls of wisdom our esteemed leaders will come out with today…….their primary focus this last week has been on boobs, how clean they are, how to enlarge them (mud apparently) perhaps its time to move on to some penis enhancement tips.

I’m having a flashback to Morsi fiddling with his tackle whilst in the company of the Australian first lady. Maybe he had his mud pack on “down below” and the studio lights were wrecking havoc with its consistency, that brownish stain on his trousers may not have been what you first thought.

I read somewhere that a Rhinos horn is predominantly made up of matted hair, do you think over time that the salafis beards will go this way? Perhaps they will offer some advice on beard care, a vitally important item on the agenda, after all now that the police can grow their beards we don’t want them looking like some genetically modified unicorns.

It’s good to see them getting their priorities sorted, so far this week they have addressed the major issue of the import of exotic birds, the price of dog food, and of course they have decided to issue all the police with handguns. I have no idea who sets the agenda but I do know the police won’t be happy. How are they going to sleep on duty now that they have no rifle to prop up their chin with, hand guns just won’t cut it.

I think us expats should form a lobbying party so that they don’t overlook our concerns. OPI, the nail polish brand is suffering from a decline in quality, I fear there may be copy cats at work that have infiltrated the supply chain, when will this be addressed? Personal care seems to be high on their agenda so I think we could be on to a winner if we hit them hard with this cause.

Other concerns I have surround the proliferation of Spongebob Squarepants merchandise. The colours are too garish and offend my sensibilities, he also has a passing resemblance to Mr President. The new law enshrined in the constitution allows for prosecution on the grounds of “insulting the president” I’m sure we could run with it on these grounds and earn ourselves some brownie points too. 

They are going to introduce a “smart card” system in July to ration the subsidised fuel,  I fear this will be open to abuse. We should ask them to clarify how much Baksheeh (bribe) is appropriate to pay for one on the black market. Ideally if they could clarify how much to pay the police for an authentic version, and how much to pay the counterfeiters for their version. 

I think that’s enough to be getting along with, we don’t want to overburden them. They do after all have other lobbying groups to deal with, the IMF, the Human Rights people, the freedom of the press people, the women’s rights people, the sexual harassment people amongst others. Obviously these groups concerns are trivial compared to beards and boobs…..priorities eh?



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