Azza Fahmy Here I Come!

I just burnt my bum while smoking on the loo….bad habit I know. That was my second run in with pyrotechnics this week as I managed to set my shirt tails on fire whilst lovingly preparing the dinner for the hubby the other night. I was cooking by candle light, not for any romantic reasons, nor valentine related, simply because the electric was of again, yes again. They say things come in threes so I’d steer clear of me for a while.

In fact, I would recommend avoiding my company for at least 24 hours, I am feeling rather combustible, not just in the fiery sense (yes pun intended) it must be the hormones playing up but my patience thresh-hold has been significantly reduced. So, in an effort to “look on the bright side” I have been trying to think of things I would really miss about Egypt should we have to move on.

What things would I like to take with me should I have to return to Portadown? First off, and top of my list, would have to be the Bowab (doorman) He is indispensable, he is a general carrier upper of heavy things, car washer, tradesman filter’er outer, I know those aren’t real words, I’ve had to turn the spell check off, but you get my drift.

I’m not sure how he would fit in, in Portadown, galebaya, flip flops and all but I would be willing to give it a shot. Do you think it would be ok to let him sit out on the street with his camp fire and tea making equipment? I should probably put my foot down with regards to the shisha as its difficult to be sure exactly of the contents. On a positive note when he smokes it he seems to smile a lot and you get to see his fabulous teeth.

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Now what else would I miss? I think I would miss the freedom. Now that may sound a little weird but here is how I’m defining freedom. It’s the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Ok I know there are bunch of perverts roaming the streets here and you do need to have some self defence gadgets to hand (I’m currently waiting on my new taser, I’m very excited. We could have bought a gun last week in Alexandria but I’ve already explained my dodgy eyesight so we gave that a by ball) sorry back to the freedom thingy.

Yes, just doing whatever the hell you like. I would definitely miss double parking if I can’t get close enough to the hairdressers, cash machine, or shops. I would definitely miss just stopping the car if I’ve missed the turn and reversing back up the one way street, oh and driving at whatever speed you feel like doing, no consequences. I would definitely miss our driver Hossam who is a wee dote, well, except for when he is being a prat.

I would miss ringing the off licence for home delivery if you’re caught short at a party. Apparently you can now have a gas mask home delivered too if your heading out to the protests. I’ve got to give that a try, I will get back to you once I’ve checked it out. Some shops are offering reductions on fire extinguishers if bought in conjunction with a gas mask, yeah I think I should go for it, I could always use the gas mask after the hubby has had a particularly good Indian.

I would miss nipping of for the weekend to Dahab or Sharm, taking photographs of all the ridiculous sights you see along the way. I would miss reading about Egyptian politics each morning. I would miss wetting myself laughing at the ridiculous excuses they give, the mind boggling stupid ideas, decrees, fatwas, and bans they issue. The latest is they’ve banned YouTube….I’m not even going to go there.

My mood is already starting to lift, I’ve got a Felucca ride this afternoon, the Ace club tonight and by then the hubby and the rest of the Cairo Rugby team should be back from their game in Alexandria. I’m off now to potter about in the garden in a delightful 22 degrees with my new trowel and fork that i got as a valentines day present………

Something not quite right about gardening tools for valentines……I know they say “give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime” but i think in this instance Pete’s “teach a woman to garden” is a step too far, does he really expect me to grow my own flowers from now on? He didn’t get me any, not even a card, so maybe there’s a clue in that.

I was going well there, had managed to give myself a little lift, now I’m feeling rather sorry for myself over the gardening thingies….stuff it, he has left his bank card behind, I’m off to the shops, no point trying to be cheerful, revenge is far sweeter, Azza Fahmy here I come.

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