Knob? Knot….

Phew, where to start? What an incredibly Long, stressed, anxious August that was. It was so bad I’m considering Botox to alleviate the newly ingrained furrows on my brow, though quite what the remedy for my soaring blood pressure is, is anybody’s guess. For now I’m going with the holistic approach and downing vast quantities of Egyptian wine in the hope that even if it doesn’t  work I won’t give a sh!!t.

We are now living in Maadi. We moved during Ramadan, masochistic yes I know… 4 days it took them to get us from A to B… More or less intact. Well, when I say four days, I mean 4 days of working 4 hours a day……have they never heard of shifts? No, obviously not. The Maadi bin men are very happy with us due to the environmental disaster we caused with the vast amount of packaging they deemed necessary to gently wrap every item. Is three layers of wrapping paper around every tin of beans really necessary? They did not, and would not, wrap the numerous bottles of alcohol, again because of Ramadan, I am not even going to go there..

Back to the bin men, any advice on how to dispose of unwanted old underwear would be greatly appreciated. The thoroughness with which they rummage through every bag is rather disconcerting. I have visions of them “recycling” my smalls in ways that just don’t bear thinking about. I have contemplated double bagging it and sneaking out at night to become a fly tipper….along the canal seems a good spot, but I’m dogged by nightmares involving some poor, dead donkeys leg being held afloat by my purple polka dot (extra padded) wonder bra.

As we speak I am awaiting the washing machine man. I have already had, the electrician, the fly screen man, the glazier, the painter (have they never heard of masking tape?)  the gardener, the Bowab, the Egypt telecom guy, the link DSL visit, the air conditioning man (twice), the TV people, the builder, the locksmith and a multitude of random others who believe they are entitled to a share of the mangoes which launch themselves at you from great heights from the three trees in the garden.

 Personally I don’t mind the mango people, there is only so many you can eat, although following the success of hubby’s turbo cider there may be a market for Mango poteen. Regardless of the market it may assist in my quest to lower my blood pressure, or simply just wipe me out, at this stage either option is fine by me. Having said I have had visits from all the above, does NOT mean you understand, that anything has been achieved, they have simply visited and I’m sure they will return to do whatever it was they were meant to do, preferably before I lose the will to live.

The washing machine man is now only an hour late, hopefully he will take a while longer as the electricity has just gone off anyway so the new “knob” he is bringing is pretty irrelevant. I’m not convinced this “knob” (take that whatever way you want to) will fix the machine. The fact it sounds like a motorbike or rather did sound like a motorbike ( that was before the loud bang that tripped the fuse) gives me reason to think a new motor is in order. We have dispensed with the dishwashing machine altogether as that was sure to be another pit of misery and replaced it with a beer fridge, much more important. Or as my rather irreverent friend Mr Ford put it “why get married AND have a dishwasher!”. Quite right, and fortunately for me hubby is rather good on the dishwashing front, and I have purchased one of those plate holder thingys so I can avoid any unnecessary drying.

From the aforementioned list of tradesmen you may have noticed the absence of a plumber. This is not because of a lack of plumbing problems, no, it’s  just because he has gone AWOL. We will not be having a housewarming party until he returns from his wanderings..the combination of dodgy loos and a shower head that at best is a trickle, with only the option of cold water available, means we are off to moon beach at the weekend, dog in tow, for a good scrub down. If you spy some foaming pillars just off the beach it is not a new coral formation just the hubby, dog and I catching up on a couple of weeks of grime. Aqua aerobics tomorrow and Thursday should keep the stench at bay until then, Katemaya ladies you have been warned!

On a positive note we are within walking distance of the Snug, BCA and the ACE club. I thought I would enjoy being able to pop out to these fine establishments but I now realize that they are vital necessities. So unless this “knob” turns up fairly sharpish I am off to avail of their fine hospitality, Oh and their free Internet, did I forget to mention that doesn’t work either……that may be down to the Egypt telecom guy who thought that climbing the Apache building next door, tapping in to their phone line, chucking it over our fence, then tying a big knot in it whist hanging circus trapeze like from our roof would give us high quality ADSL……in the words of my mum “lord give me strength”