Battle Of The Beards

Happy Easter to all my Christian friends and happy Palm Sunday to all my Coptic ones, in the words of Dave Allen “may your God go with you”.  God has been rather busy of late in Egypt, apparently the more God like you appear to be translates into votes. 

Up until yesterday it was “the battle of the beards” the bigger the beard the more chance you had of winning. The Salafi  Abou Ismail posters are every where, and that’s one impressive beard. The Muslim brotherhoods candidate Shater (don’t say that out loud, it’s a rather unfortunate letter sequence) has only a standard bushy one with a mustache, which obviously proves he is a moderate……..

Although, having said that , you just know to look at him he has a hairy back, yuk,yuk,yuk and don’t be looking too close around the ears or nose either, there are definitely a few wispy bits…..He is the one that Adidas cringe over every time he has a photoshoot. I reckon they will pay him NOT to wear their products, and on closer inspection the strange shade of grey his shell suits come in would leave me of the opinion that it is a Khan el Khalili special.

Speaking of noses thon other eejit… know the Salafi boyo who claimed he had been mugged and beaten, but whom it turned out had undergone a beautification proceedure, in other words a nose job, well he is gone now too, what a twat.  The best part of that story was that the police arrested, charged, and obtained confessions from the 5 perpetrators within 24 hours……now thats awesome police work. 

Which leads me on to Omar Soliman the last minute Felool candidate. (Felool means remnant as in a remnant of the old regime.) perhaps the police investigating the “nose job boy” as he has come to be known where trained under this Soliman Character, for those of you not up on the Egyptian politics he was Mubaraks spy master, and ran the “rendition” operation with the Yanks which was Egypts version of Guantanemo…..nice man then eh?… unfortunately he looks like a bond villain, he never smiles so maybe he is hiding Jaws teeth or possibly a different superpower.

There have been sightings of superpowers in Cairo recently, Batman and Robin made an appearance in Maadi a couple of weeks ago but they haven’t been seen since. (the sighting was reported on St Patricks Day so maybe those Irish had downed one too many Guinness)  I’m not sure which dastardly villain they were persuing but my money’s on Soliman.

 Batman was female and Robin appeared significantly larger than him/her… in fact Robin had extra bits all over the place, with a rather fishy smell reminding me of Trout…..I’m wondering are they going to use pictures again on the voting forms so the illiterate can vote, if so whoever is smart enough to pick Batman as their logo will win, Gotham City has nothing on Cairo and we have way more Jokers.

Anyway back to the elections…….There are none of the candidates that pretty, you know in the looks department,  but then again there are very few politicians in Clintons league. On the subject of Clinton, what this campaign needs is a good sex scandal, being disqualified for your mum being American, as in Ismails case, just doesn’t have the same ring to it.  

At the very least we need a cross dressing transvestite with an extra wife, 5 instead of 4 to really shake things up. Oh the possibilities are endless……A few love children, extra marital affairs, or something really scandalous like being caught telling the truth…..or actually answering the question asked…….or even and this would be a biggy….owning up when you have been caught telling a lie, now that would rock my world. Never going to happen though….ah well