Things are really heating up in Cairo. Unfortunately, not weather wise just yet, but tempers are beginning to flare, not least of which is mine. Any of you from outside of this cyber-space alternative blog-es-sphere who know me will appreciate I had a little run in this week. Nothing strange with that, par for the course, as they say but this is the first one that involved me physically attacking some-one. I know not very ladylike but sometimes you have to make a stand against these ….well let’s call them bullies for now, it’s a bit early for more flowery language.
Any act of aggression in Egypt is blamed on “hidden hands” ( I love the alliteration here) or even ” foreign fingers” (that ones not bad either) and in fact the Muslim brotherhood, the largest party in our newly elected parliament, stated this week that “the foreign fingers were now pulling the strings on the hidden hands” Do you think they sit around purposely dreaming these up in English or is it a fluke of the Arabic translation rather like “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers”
Anyway…. fortunately I can divulge the details of the incident as it is not subject to a police report, well as far as I know……..
I was doing a “big shop” in the local supermarket, its always queued out and the service is not the fastest, but hey you get used to it, just chill, allow a little more time and you always get there in the end, no worries. I reached the top of the queue and was loading my stuff onto the conveyer belt when a 14ish year old boy pushed forward with his chocolate bar in hand and asked “mumpkin ?” (if possible) so I said ok and let him go ahead of me.
Next thing a rather dapper, suited and booted, 40ish year old man ( a Basha type for those in the know, or big boss type for those Irish numptys) pushed in front of me with his selection of purchases, well I was having none of it and instructed the girl on the till to start ringing my items through, which she duly did. It was at this stage that things started to go pear shaped. He, the Basha Boy ( see I can do alliteration too) started screaming at the top of his voice at me, and the girl on the till too.
Now at this stage the adrenalin was starting to kick in, and in full automatic pilot mode I continued to load the shopping, blocking out the screaming from him and the staff. But once the trolley was empty I needed to get past him to the far side of the till, trolley in hand I very politely, Repeat, very politely said “lau samat” excuse me, where upon he turned and said “NO” Pulling himself up to his full height and staring straight at me, blocking the path. I repeated the “lau samat” very loudly so my audience could hear, same response, “NO” only this time he put his hands on his hips…. I know, all I was waiting for was a flick of his hair.
Ok, so all the customers in the shop are now riveted on me and him, and so what do i do? Me… normally a very classy lady, well in my opinion…… I did what any self respecting girl from Lurgan would do. I rammed him with the trolley at full pelt. He went ar$e over you know what and landed on the floor. I followed through with the trolley until the staff disengaged it from my vice like grip. He then proceeded to get up and launch himself at me. Fortunately he was restrained by the staff, you know the let me at her, hold me back, standard daily sight, as I side stepped outside.
The bag packers encircled me as the female customers screamed for his blood, and carried my shopping to the car, in fits of laughter it has to be said, I rewarded them handsomely with my standard 1le tip (10p) yip big spender. I’m not sure they had any great allegiance to me but the guy looked like he was some big shot from the court nearby, so maybe that’s justice Egyptian style. I certainly felt good, apart from the downer as I drove home a complete shambles, when the shakes kicked in as the adrenalin fell away.
One massive bar of Cadburys mint crisp and all is right with the world. Local papers headlines tomorrow…..heavy handed, foreign fingers, bruise basha boy, trolley trashed….oh I don’t know, all suggestions welcome.